"I desire you would remember the ladies, and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors." - Abigail Adams, 1776
I was a single mother in 1970. Even more, I was the worst of the worst--a single mother who'd "gotten herself pregnant" outside of wedlock. I was one of the lucky ones (with lucky being relative) in that my family was supportive. Not happy, by any means, but supportive nonetheless. Had there been a scarlet letter close by, I think my mom would have suggested I wear it.
It wasn't easy being single and pregnant. It was lonely, although I had a circle of friends who stuck in there. Some of their parents didn't want them to, because obviously, I was "that kind of girl." A friend who worked in the pharmacy at the base told me I should "get rid of it," because no man would ever want to raise another guy's kid. He offered to help me do that. Not that it was legal. It wasn't.
I don't know how he would have helped me. I didn't believe in abortion as long as the pregnancy was a healthy one for mother and child. I still don't.
For me.
And no one ever tried to force me to get one. There were a lot of people back in 1969-70 who thought like my friend did. They were shocked when I wasn't going to give my baby up for adoption. They couldn't figure out why I didn't ask for help from the welfare system or sue the sperm donor for support. They thought I'd ruined my life.
But, like I said, I was one of the lucky ones. I worked as long as I could, then went home to my folks' house. As soon as I could after the baby was born, I went back to work. Remember that it wasn't easy being single and pregnant? It wasn't easy being single and a mom, either. I couldn't get credit--I was a girl. There were places I wasn't welcome anymore, which was okay--I hadn't been all that welcome before that, either. I made minimum wage or a little more, paid for child care, and got really slim because there were times when I lived on my own that only one of us could eat and it wasn't going to be me. I had medical bills that weighed heavily, and paid them $5.00 at a time. I'm surprised I'm not still in debt.
But I always had a support system. Not an eager one that was thrilled to death with the path I chose, but an unstinting one. We were never homeless, my child and I were both loved, the times I was hungry were because I was trying so hard and so foolishly to do things on my own.
If I had it all to do over again, would I have had an abortion? No. Do I think things would have been better for women and girls then if it had been a legal option? Yes, absolutely. Because then just as now, we should have been entitled to choices about our own bodies and our own lives.
Many people (most of the ones I know being men...hmm...) are saying the right to abortion should be a state issue anyway, not a federal one. They're right; it should. But the states haven't proven themselves to be particularly caring about all of their citizenry, have they?
Here I am. I've written much this morning and have no solutions to offer that improve on the words of Abigail Adams. My gratitude to her and to everyone else who has spoken out over this 240-some years for those of my gender. For the six on the Supreme Court who set us back 50 of those years this week, to Justice Thomas, who has same-sex marriage and birth control in his sites as I write this, I have no words at all. Actually, I have plenty, but I'm pretty sure you're coming after my free speech next, and I don't want to give you any ideas.
Have a good week. Be nice to somebody.
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Unlike your situation, for 50 years women had a choice about how they were going to deal with this deeply personal issue. Life didn't have to be so difficult. I hope lots of young women see your post here and understand what they are about to face if they become pregnant, because the SCOTUS just destroyed their right to choose. Bless you, my friend. I would've done exactly what you did, but I would've appreciated knowing I could choose. <>
ReplyDeleteMe, too. And that choice wouldn't have changed anything for me; I would do things now exactly as I did then, but there are so many people for whom it would have made such a difference.
DeleteTHANK YOU!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. Thank you for coming by and commenting!
DeleteBless you for sharing. In 1970 by cousin crossed the border from Detroit to Windsor, Ontario (and stayed with me), in order to have her baby because it was less expensive and she and her husband didn't have insurance in the states. I now envision women coming from the U.S. to Canada to obtain legal abortions, not because it's cheaper but because they can.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that will happen, too. The USA is blessed to have Canada as a neighbor.
DeleteIt's a sad time for all women. I can only imagine the struggles you faced as a single mother in the early seventies. I got a glimpse of what a woman seeking an abortion faced in the early eighties in Canada. I was married and pregnant and very much wanted my baby, but I knew I was miscarrying. I was in my doctor's office and her nurse was sent in. I was crying, and she turned on me. "Well, if you're going to get rid of it, I don't know why you're here." She was very cruel. I was shocked and told her the reason I was crying. Instead of apologizing, she made a flippant remark about me being young and having another baby. That woman had no business being in healthcare. I can only imagine what other women seeking abortions faced.
ReplyDeleteOh, what a dreadful time and a dreadful memory!
DeleteOnce again, a story of yours is so timely, so meaningful, so heart wrenching, it brought me to tears. Your bravery, your resilience, your moral compass is beyond the comprehension of most people. Thank you for sharing your story. As a contemporary of yours, I can say with some authority that women of our generation were challenged to fight every day and rise above all those who worked so hard to hold us back.
ReplyDeleteWe were challenged, and I am so proud of the women of our time who did fight and rise. And so defeated because of what this SC has done. Thanks, Susie.
DeleteNearly 39 years ago I had a miscarriage after years of infertility. It was a terrible experience, and I truly thought I was going to die, which I suppose could have happened as I was hemorrhaging. My mother saved me by telling my husband he needed to take me to the ER NOW! Worst time of my life. A year later, I was pregnant again and when it also was not a viable one my doctor said, you can go home and wait for things to start or if you don't want to do that just go to the hospital. Not wanting to go through another horrific experience, I chose to go to the hospital .I had one child at home. I needed to be there for her. All that has happened this past week has brought that time back to me, and I have to wonder now, what if a woman shows up at a hospital, knowing she's probably going to miscarry, what will they be able to do for her? Tell her to go home and wait for it to start? Even if wanted, not every pregnancy progresses normally, and no man will ever know that deep seated fear of dying from what should be a normal process. Until someone has gone through it, has had to make a dreadful but necessary decision, you cannot know the heartbreak. Women should be trusted to know what's good for them and to do what they need to do. This is a long comment but it's something I've carried with me for many years. I'm sure many of us have similar experiences. Thank you Liz for sharing yours.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, and sorrier it's now going to happen again. And again. And again.
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