"I desire you would remember the ladies, and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors." - Abigail Adams, 1776
I was a single mother in 1970. Even more, I was the worst of the worst--a single mother who'd "gotten herself pregnant" outside of wedlock. I was one of the lucky ones (with lucky being relative) in that my family was supportive. Not happy, by any means, but supportive nonetheless. Had there been a scarlet letter close by, I think my mom would have suggested I wear it.
It wasn't easy being single and pregnant. It was lonely, although I had a circle of friends who stuck in there. Some of their parents didn't want them to, because obviously, I was "that kind of girl." A friend who worked in the pharmacy at the base told me I should "get rid of it," because no man would ever want to raise another guy's kid. He offered to help me do that. Not that it was legal. It wasn't.
I don't know how he would have helped me. I didn't believe in abortion as long as the pregnancy was a healthy one for mother and child. I still don't.
For me.
And no one ever tried to force me to get one. There were a lot of people back in 1969-70 who thought like my friend did. They were shocked when I wasn't going to give my baby up for adoption. They couldn't figure out why I didn't ask for help from the welfare system or sue the sperm donor for support. They thought I'd ruined my life.
But, like I said, I was one of the lucky ones. I worked as long as I could, then went home to my folks' house. As soon as I could after the baby was born, I went back to work. Remember that it wasn't easy being single and pregnant? It wasn't easy being single and a mom, either. I couldn't get credit--I was a girl. There were places I wasn't welcome anymore, which was okay--I hadn't been all that welcome before that, either. I made minimum wage or a little more, paid for child care, and got really slim because there were times when I lived on my own that only one of us could eat and it wasn't going to be me. I had medical bills that weighed heavily, and paid them $5.00 at a time. I'm surprised I'm not still in debt.
But I always had a support system. Not an eager one that was thrilled to death with the path I chose, but an unstinting one. We were never homeless, my child and I were both loved, the times I was hungry were because I was trying so hard and so foolishly to do things on my own.
If I had it all to do over again, would I have had an abortion? No. Do I think things would have been better for women and girls then if it had been a legal option? Yes, absolutely. Because then just as now, we should have been entitled to choices about our own bodies and our own lives.
Many people (most of the ones I know being men...hmm...) are saying the right to abortion should be a state issue anyway, not a federal one. They're right; it should. But the states haven't proven themselves to be particularly caring about all of their citizenry, have they?
Here I am. I've written much this morning and have no solutions to offer that improve on the words of Abigail Adams. My gratitude to her and to everyone else who has spoken out over this 240-some years for those of my gender. For the six on the Supreme Court who set us back 50 of those years this week, to Justice Thomas, who has same-sex marriage and birth control in his sites as I write this, I have no words at all. Actually, I have plenty, but I'm pretty sure you're coming after my free speech next, and I don't want to give you any ideas.
Have a good week. Be nice to somebody.
