On Gift-giving and Wedding Registries by Cathy Shouse

Weddings are one of my favorite events to attend, and I’ve had the good fortune of going to some spectacular ones. They were extra pretty to observe, with flowers that took my breath away, wonderful food, and venues that come to mind when I think of the most lovely places I’ve been. I like to see the bride’s dress and what vows the couple chooses.

Weddings have actually become more enjoyable for me over the years. There’s something about a couple joining their lives that is thrilling and brave. Sweet and heartwarming. I’ve been touched by personalized vows when I used to be steadfast in supporting the more traditional.

Over the past several years, it’s the wedding registry that has fascinated me. Partly due to the internet, the listings have become much more detailed. I find myself looking at fancy dog bowls and kitchen appliances I’ll never own nor would I know how to use. I’ve decided that there’s a philosophy attached to the process of choosing a wedding gift, and that really hasn’t changed all that much.

When my husband and I got married, there seemed to be three strategies from those bearing gifts.

Some meticulously followed the registry. Others ignored it entirely. Then there was my mother, who forcibly pushed her gift on me, with Dad a clueless participant.

I still have a rose-covered bathroom hand towel one of my friends

gave me, and have saved it for special occasions. Then there’s the tiny, four-inch tall cut glass vase my husband’s distant cousin gave, which is not often used, since I usually get bouquets and not just one flower bud. Yet I keep the vase in a prominent place and admire its beauty every time I see it. I believe it may have been from her own glass collection because it didn’t come in a box and is heavy like lead crystal. I make up stories in my head about its origins and it’s a treasure that has given me years of pleasure.

One sister-in-law gave me a very large glass bowl with an easy, delicious fruit salad recipe that I’ve made countless times, good for checking off that we’ve eaten all the food groups at home, and nice to bring to gatherings, too. She paired it with a set of three fingertip towels, each one labelled as given by one of her kids, who were young at the time.

One of my work colleagues created his own category, the after-wedding question: What didn’t you get? He asked if we’d gotten a toaster, and when I answered “no,” he gave us one.

But it’s my mother’s gift-giving style that stands out among them all. She wanted to give me “good” dishes and I couldn’t imagine why I would want that. I politely declined. That wasn’t sufficient for her. We had “discussions.” Saying no was never something my mother accepted well. One day I unexpectedly found myself with Mom at the downtown Indianapolis L.S. Ayers store (which I’m sure was not a surprise to her). Much of one entire level of the store, that looked as big as a car dealership showroom, was devoted to dishes--and knew I wasn’t getting out of there without choosing a pattern. Unexpectedly, I fell in love with a Lenox model that was fairly sturdy, not as expensive as buying a car, and practical. The pattern: Poppies on Blue. My mother marched me to the counter and involved the employee in recording the information into my registry.

The reception came, and my mother (and Dad) gave me several dish settings from my registry, the only ones of those I received. After the wedding, she then proceeded to give me a setting at every possible occasion, like my birthday and even Valentine’s (her favorite holiday) and in my Easter basket. At Christmas, the heavy box for “Jim and Cathy” was dishes. This went on for years. She presented me with a cute matching Lenox bunny cookie jar and a spoon rest, too. It wasn’t long until I had many settings and was seeing just how useful they were when we “had company.”

Those dishes are one of my favorite, most-used wedding gifts and I bring them out often. I find more and more reasons to consider family gatherings a special occasion and over Christmas, we used them several days in a row. Since losing Mom in April of 2020, getting out the dishes is always a bittersweet moment, a reminder of my mother’s indomitable spirit.

I feel a bit sad for people who only get gifts listed on their wedding registry. After all, sometimes when you’re starting married life, you don’t know what you need, until someone gives it to you.

I will sometimes pair a gift from the registry with a recipe, and once gave the measuring cups on the registry with my favorite brownie recipe.

What’s your take on wedding gifts? In the comments, I’d love to know your thoughts about what you give or something you’ve gotten.

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Cathy Shouse writes inspirational cowboy romances. Her Fair Creek series, set in Indiana, features the Galloway brothers of Galloway Farms. Much like the characters in her stories, Cathy once lived on a farm in “small town” Indiana, where she first fell in love with cowboys while visiting the rodeo every summer. Please visit cathyshouse.com for more information on discounts and new releases or to sign up for her newsletter.