Layers and Loss by Liz Flaherty

I have nothing good to say today. I'm discovering, even at this age, that it's the little things that get me; I seem to cope better with the big ones. But our 20-year-old cat, Gabe, has disappeared, frightened by stray dogs who won't be deterred. Signs have disappeared from our yard, too, leaving me resentful that people have the right to free speech urging others to f*** whomever they hate in the moment on signs and flags everywhere or fly swastikas from their flagpoles, but if we have candidates' names on signs that are on our own property, someone is frightened enough by them that they trespass in order to steal them. I am discouraged by these little things. I am angry. I miss our cat. I miss feeling at home in the community where I've spent my whole life.

Until this morning, I didn't remember feeling this way before, but when I was looking for something to repeat-post, I found this. I guess what goes around comes around, and here I am again. If you're in this place, too, I urge you to wallow in it for a while (like I am and did four years ago, too) and then get over it and go on. Have a good week. Be nice to somebody.

There's been a lot grief in 2020--we all know that. A lot of loss. But it's September now, with cool nights and breezes that sift into your hair and make you smell apples and leaves and bonfires.

It is, I know, a dying, decaying time as the earth prepares for winter, but the bean fields are golden, as are the corn tassels and some of the trees and the quick shimmer of the sun on the river. The colors that begin to emerge in September are bright and burnished and hopeful. 

There are golden sounds, too. Performers sharing their music both digitally and--where there's space--in person. The bleachers at junior high and high school football games. 

I should have finished writing this when I started it on Friday morning, but I didn't. I had other things I needed to do...and now Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died. For many of us, the colors have dimmed. Rest in power, Your Honor, and thank you. 

But this time of year is also about layers. On Tuesday I went to a meeting at ten in the morning, wearing my third shirt of the day. I started hopefully (and foolishly) in a tank top, changed to a sweatshirt, and by the time I went to the meeting, was in short sleeves--with a hoodie in the car because you just never know. Last night when we went to dinner, Duane wore shorts--and a golf sweater. 

School's back in session. Football's being played. But the layers are uneven these days, because caution changes things. Disagreement, almost the only constant in these change-of-season layers, makes the edges of the tiers rough-edged and sharp. 

I can't seem to come to a good place this morning, and I'm sorry. If you have good news, I hope you'll share it. 

Have a good week. I hope you see bright colors and find kindness in the layers. Stay safe. Be nice to somebody.